Re: Back to normal, I see.

Hi WM and sorry to all. I've been depressed lately I stuck to reading only, I didn't feel like taking about my happy moments, some problems arised with the plumbing,I passed a kidney stone and while doing tests and check ups, they found a lump, some sort of a mass on my prostate. I was scared to death, but I'm getting over it, a decision has to be made, surgery or not. I'm not even 60 yet, and not even close to it, my survival is not at risk if I get surgery, but I hate honest doctors saying that life might be, or I need to say will be different, I want to put the word limp out of my vocabulary, I told him, but then it may gives me an extra 20 years to live but what king of a life. The odds are against me one way or the other, dying young, at this point in my life 55 to 60 is young or live to 70 half a life. I found out the results last friday, the oncologist prescribed effexor so I can cope with this, what the FXck will it help? I'm not crazy, will this help me make a choice? I doubt it. He said it would stop me crying, it didn't. I feel too young to die and losing my manhood gradually, having to use drugs could be acceptable, but all in a sudden with no effective drugs working to get it to work is not ok with me. I just refuses to beleive it, once the stone passed, there were no more pain, it all works fine now, in a month I go for another test and I hope they are wrong. Please excuses me if at the moment I don't feel like talking about past moments of happiness, because I still want to add some to them memories. Maybe eventually it'll be all I'll have left, maybe it'll be all I'll have to talk about. I'm sorry for the rant, maybe it's not the right place, if this is out of order delete it. My family ignore me eversince they found out about me, I have very few friends, about none, a small handfull of grown up YFs with whom I wouldn't dare discussing that. Your post, sort of called me to express, I think I needed it, I didn't run away, I was hiding, in my own sorrows, my own psychic pain, not talking about the fear. I was talking to a e-mail pal about it, all he said was it aint so bad, lung cancer kills. Right, it's proof no one can understand. I'm sorry to dump it all like that on the posters here, after being here just a few weeks, I feel like curling up in a ball and just let myself go. Maybe it's life punishment for giving some boys a few years of happiness and hoping for a hug once in a while.